i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
