Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
