They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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