we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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