dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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