I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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