it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
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I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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