he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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