Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
