it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize