I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
