I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
