There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
