I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We had to coat check the pizza.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
