he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
