You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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