I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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