I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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