Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
