You just made me feel so damn special
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
