im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I love having hate sex.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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