dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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