i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my vag is so smooth its legendary
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need to align my fucking chakras
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