If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
