You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
