Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
PANTIES FOUND
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