I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
