Non-Jews are for practice
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
