How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
