What did we do last night that was yellow?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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