I am puke
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
