Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He better not be in your backpack
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
