i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
