ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
