I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
