Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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