Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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