she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
