i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
