so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
