His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Randomize
