just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
