Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
