Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
