Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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