He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
