I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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