Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
