We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
