My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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