He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
