Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
