what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
