Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
