accomplished twins. life is a go
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
