took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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