...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
where are you?
Hypothermia
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
