She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
