you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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