I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.