Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?