just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
