it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often