Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
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We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.