My sheets look like a crime scene.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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