You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
