I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
