just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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