Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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