does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
