I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Randomize
