and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize