THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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