I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
