this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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