I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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