if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ketchup is God's man juice
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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