3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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