Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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