idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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