they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
