i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
